shadowtricker: (walk in the rain)
I'm aware I've missed several days of posting. I seem to have been slipping in and out of a severe funk since my birthday, and I couldn't say precisely why. To make some sort of amends, here are three previously unposted poems, intended to have been written from Thorn's perspective from the old Nexus 100. I never did complete the Nexus 100, although I keep whittling away at it slowly. Approaching poetry from Thorn's perspective is a fascinating practice, although I should hope most of his poetry stands on its own.

Broken )

Yellow )

Storm )

Because I was so maudlin today, the girls took it upon themselves to try teaching me something called 'retail therapy'? I cannot complain, as my altered book supplies reached a critical mass and at last exploded in something grander than a bookmark. I am still working at the calligraphy, but I have truly deface a book now, and I'm fairly well pleased with it. Photographs to come when I have a complete page.
shadowtricker: (book in sand)
I haven't written a thing today, so I'm dredging the barrel. Wandering through my own files on the computer, I came across an odd little scrap of writing that was done purely for the interest of it. This is unlikely to be of interest to anyone but myself and possibly those who play with Thorn, but I'm not sure anyone reads his journal, as it goes without updates for great lengths of time.
This is posted as I had it written, complete with red notes that are meant to be an instructor's corrections. For reasons I no longer recall, I latched onto the idea that Thorn would rather like the Rime of the Ancient Mariner. This was intended to be a sort of book report. His grammar and spelling are coming along nicely these days, which is ever so much easier to type than deliberately borderline illiteracy...
Thorn's Essay )
shadowtricker: (words)
Thorn has never found it in his heart to tell Courtney that he does not like to visit her house. The grim and wealthy austerity of the place puts him on edge, and is a painful reminder that his best friend is living in a kind of luxury that he could only dream of as a boy. The corridors of her house don’t even require tapestries to keep out the chill, although tapestries they do have, even on the floor in place of rushes. The house itself, however, is only a part of what makes him uneasy on visits. More imposing by far is the dreaded appearance of her uncle, or great-great-uncle however many generations removed. Every visit he spends in fear that Aloysius Crumrin will enter the room, piercing him with a cold blue gaze that makes him feel like a filthy child in rags once more, worthy only of being regarded with disapproval. Although he has never consciously made the connection, there was another figure who looked at him once with this distant, unreadable gaze of immense age. Somewhere buried in memories he no longer looks at there is a tall, white haired figure, richly but simply dressed, who gave him such a look. There were others with him, but that one figure caught his attention, and held it even as the command was given for him to leave the fae lands and not return. The memory is too painful to be bourne, and so he has buried it deeply, but every time Aloysius Crumrin looks at him Thorn expects at any moment to be exiled away forever.

Aloysius finds the young man a strange choice of friends for his niece, but when has she ever been predictable? There always seems to be a sort of bitterness in his gaze when he looks around the house, or at the gestures of affection between Courtney and himself. The latter he can understand, because it is a look he wore himself all too often through the years. Even as a boy Aloysius dreaded the awkward moments of visiting others his own age. In their houses a friend’s mother would fuss, or the father give an approving look, and he would find himself turning away out of jealousy. His own family were always quietly polite but distant, and such displays of affection were reserved for one’s babyhood. While seeing this affection so freely given in the families of others, it also drew him. Aloysius spent more time among boys of a lower social class than his own, finding them more open and willing to accept him into their fold with gestures of kindness he longed for at home. Thorn’s look of bitter longing and the way he turns away is all too familiar, and even with the memories of his own boyhood he is too awkward to know how to mend it. When the younger man is in the house, he keeps away, afraid that some smiling glance or brief hug between himself and Courtney will only make things worse. He would not readily admit to seeing his younger self in the scabbed and blistered boy, but the similarity is undeniably there. Every time Thorn looks at him, he finds himself suddenly placed on the far side of the rooms of his boyhood, and has no idea how to deal with it.

Hearing voices, Aloysius pauses in the doorway just as Courtney is bouncing out to fetch something. He has not caught them doing anything untoward, and indeed they do seem to be merely good friends. His attention is briefly distracted by a touch on the arm from his niece in passing, and when she has gone by his eyes and those of the young man meet. Steely blue and Grey-green meet, both awkward and wary. Thorn’s throat works for a moment in a soundless attempt to come up with a greeting, but Aloysius turns away, embarrassed at interrupting. “I’ll fetch you both tea…” He hurries down the hall to the kitchen, hoping to time things so that he can pass the tea to Courtney and not intrude again. Better they simply avoid each other, and keep memory buried where it belongs.
shadowtricker: (book in sand)
I'm attempting to get back into playing, and gearing up for the Silent Hill plot that I'm hoping will start up soon. They've refused my request to add janitor Thorn into the mix as well, for very understandable reasons involving their already being overwhelmed as mods of the plot. No matter, I'll put moving him into the Nexus on the back burner for the moment and focus on the original Thorn instead. I meant to post nightmares to build up to the plot before now, but I haven't been at the keyboard much. I've written a bit and backdated posts, giving him roughly one nightmare a week since his encounter with the fog that's inspired it, although I lack one for this week, as of yet.
Because I haven't posted much writing here, and I keep meaning to, I present the nightmares all in one go. They're meant to create a sort of escalation towards the plot that will be happening, where he will be thrust into the dimension of Silent Hill. I welcome ideas for this week's nightmare, as I'm not sure when the plot is actually beginning.
cut for length and disturbing imagery )
shadowtricker: (heart of pages)
In lieu of actually writing anything of note, I've been fiddling about playing Thingamabrarian. I've passed the 450 mark, and householders are beginning to make bets regarding how many books we actually have. This is an unstable number, of course, as we can't seem to stop aquiring more on a fairly steady basis. I have weeded out a very small pile that remains uncatalogued because it ought to go to charity, and there's also a small stack of books that Librarything doesn't seem to recognize the ISBN's of. I'll go back and try them again when I've got all the rest, because the database is always expanding, but otherwise I'll have to manually enter them. Scanning in covers slows the process, but it's so nice to see the listing visually reflecting our shelves. It's a silly thing, but it makes me happy.

In other thoughts, I suppose that I've decided to withdraw janitor Thorn from MAHS. I would like to say I'm simply considering it, but I'd be lying to myself. When I look at the community profile and the members, it's incredibly difficult to pick out anyone I know. I realize it's laziness on my part as much as hesitancy on theirs, but it's difficult to play in a community of strangers. There is also the noticeable lack of staff presence, which makes it even more difficult to play him. The community no longer feels moderated, either in or out of character. I have no desire to stop playing him, and I'm putting off composing e-mails to various players to see if I can ensure a place for him in the main Nexus. I'm hoping PRIME could use a janitor, since so many of the people I adore playing with have moved on there and the original Thorn is a student.
I'm very glad for MAHS, it's been a wonderful place to develop the janitor Thorn as a character, but things change and it simply no longer feels welcome. I am very sorry for the loss.
shadowtricker: (gold)
It has been insisted upon that I post this.
Name a character and I'll tell you three (or more) facts about them from my own personal pseudo-canon.
My characters for online role-play are Thorn and his janitor alternate, Aloysius Crumrin, and Mad-Eye Moody.
shadowtricker: (gold)
I realize I'm a bit behind on my essay writing, but as Rey's got the puppet show to do tomorrow, I'm giving up keyboard time tonight. She did insist I take this quiz, although I'm not sure why.
Read more... )

I will get to writing again shortly, and eventually there will be art book pictures. It's turned out to be a more time-consuming process than I had originally imagined, but fascinating and enjoyable despite my impatience.
In other news, I'm finding myself somewhat distressed over the Middle Area High roleplay community. My last three posts have gune utterly unanswered, while all the posts around mine recieve replies. People seem fairly willing to interact when I reply to their posts, so I'm really not certain what the trouble is. I'm aware that the janitor version of Thorn can be slightly difficult to interact with, but I've tried to make my posts as open and approachable as possible. I'm not sure whether posting in the OOC board or writing to the mods is my best course of action to puzzle this out. I'm open to advice.
shadowtricker: (sepia)
The trip to Shenandoah was wonderful. My legs were sore for a few days afterwards. The people we went with were not nearly as interested in hiking as they should have been, but Bridgielove and I wandered off on our own plenty, and managed three different hikes even though we didn't get there until late in the morning. We visited Big Meadows, which has been my favourite part in the past, and wandered up a trail I hadn't seen before. Lots of deer trails, and Bridgie let me wander around tracking them. Didn't see nearly as many as I would have liked, because of the time of day. It was right when they're all hiding to sleep out the worst of the heat, but we saw a great many of them on the drive out. I didn't take as many photos as I should have. Ah well, a photographer I am not. I think Bridgielove got a photo of me with my eyes closed because it was so bright.

I haven't been online much, partly because the people I've been playing Thorn with were gone on vacation most of this week. I have been on playing Aloysius some, but the current plot has him temporarily out of comission. Unfortunately, Thorn still hasn't gotten in a sparring match, but I don't mind too much, as this morning he got into an unexpected piece of playing with one of Bridgie's characters, and fell into a little twist that suits me fine. Of course, I don't think anyone else noticed. Mmmh... I'm playing to myself... I suppose as long as I enjoy it, there's nothing wrong with that? It's just the nexus is so odd that my subtle clues are a bit *too* subtle. On the other hand, I don't want to give away too much too soon.

Hmh. Off to play the leper...
shadowtricker: (sepia)
Beginning to learn how to edit this bloody thing, and I sized the text up so I can actually read the main page. I greatly prefer not to have to hunt my reading glasses down just to see what I've written.

No news from Nicole... I hope she's doing all right. I don't really know what else to do for her. I'm really not in a good position to give advice on this. The last person anyone wants to hear advice on college from is someone who's taught at one. I truly don't care if she never gets a bloody degree in anything. I just want her to be happy.
Did I do the wrong thing, supporting her in coming out to New York? Everyone seems to have abandonment issues over my retirement, but the job was, in the most literal sense of the word, killing me. Full kidney replacement, and it still took Bridgielove, and my knowing I could move down here and live with her, to break the cycle of drinking.
and I still want a drink sometimes; more in the past year than all the four years previous, since I've moved out here. Nothing has changed, I don't have any particularly good reason for it, I think it's just my will breaking down. The dangers of going cold turkey.

I'm a bit tired, pardon the incoherency. I shouldn't be, the concert was very energizing, but I seem to have caught the edge of Rey's feeling ill as of late.
In other news, I've been playing [livejournal.com profile] name_of_thorn over in [livejournal.com profile] sages_of_chaos and he seems far more popular than I ever expected. Poor little fellow's going to get a bit plump at the rate they've been feeding him. I have literally lost count of the number of people over there that have given him food. I am enjoying playing him immensely, although at times I have the feeling I'm rather older than most of the players there. You see Donna, it doesn't take my granddaughter to make me feel old. I am spectacularly good at feeling old, actually. I do wish I wasn't.
Anyhow, they've given the 'leper' a job, and I have feeling he's going to be turning into a pudgy bookkeeper, which is rather unexpected. I would like to see him in a sparring match against [livejournal.com profile] mac_the_knife, preferably before he puts on too much weight to be of any use at it. It looks as though the job he's in shall be entertaining to play, with his employer's unexpected daughter poking at him. Poor Thorn is a bit nervous, but I'm loving it. Another unforeseen side effect is that I've gotten Rey to draw him more, and Bridgielove is supposed to do a drawing of him for me as well.
I had far too much fun writing up his note this evening, left in the alley for Courtney. There's something very therapeutic about all that misspelling, even if I couldn't abide the net-speak Donna and I did for the trick with Aloysius.

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