shadowtricker: (walk in the rain)
I meant to post something, to commemorate the day. This morning over breakfast I even found myself writing what felt, at the moment, some very important ponderings in memoriam. Looking back at them this evening I found myself uncertain over the quality of my own writing, even the validity of my thoughts. Clearly there is some lesson here on the folly of deliberating too long over what is meaningful enough, what might be sufficient to honour the day.

I thought of it, however, long and hard, and in the end perhaps that is what is most important.
shadowtricker: (surreal blue)
I think that, perhaps, the real trick is in making memorial an act of celebration for the life that remains, and life that was had, rather than an act of sorrow and anger for that which we cannot change.
shadowtricker: (sepia)
I lit a candle for him, last night, and that was all I was planning to write. We watched the flame for a short while, until I had a blind spot when I tried to look anywhere else, and I thought about whether or not he would have liked the candle holder. I was wondering, the night before last, if he would have approved of what’s come since he left us, of how I’ve handled things. I can’t possibly know, because I never really knew him, or what he thought of things. I do know that he probably wouldn’t approve of the amount of free reign and independence I let our sister have, because he was so protective. I’ve been accused, in this household, of being overprotective before; I’d like to think I’m fairly balanced about it. No, he wouldn’t approve, but I think it’s done her good. I couldn’t see her for who she was, when he was alive, and she’s grown into a strong person. We don’t agree, but I still love her, and I think she knows that.
I don’t think we would have agreed on a great many things. I am angry with him, sometimes, for taking away the opportunity for me to find out. I am sad to have lost someone, but I am sad more because I never knew him in the first place, and I would have liked to.
I realized, after watching the candle a little while, that they are well. My sister and brother that live are well and reasonably happy. I blew out the candle and went to bed, because that’s all that really matters.
shadowtricker: (sepia)
It has been one year, to the day, since I last had a drink.

Thank You.

Sep. 11th, 2005 09:59 am
shadowtricker: (sepia)
I will remember those who lived, and died, showing us the compassion and nobility of the human spirit.


shadowtricker: (Default)

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